Compare/Contrast

I may in fact like this better than the original...


Record Club: INXS "Need You Tonight" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

Pygmy Goats

I'm just tipsy enough that this is stellar cute. Add in the fact that even sober this would be adorable, and I'm head over heels in love. I want one!

(Via Zoo Borns)

Sunshine on My Window

I’m incredibly excited for it to be the weekend. The recent weather has been amazing, and the fact that I’ll have money this weekend and will be able to go out and enjoy said weather is blowing my mind. I’ve been cooped up for almost two weeks; last weekend I sat inside watching Buffy all day long. I want to be outside in the sun.

Plans include:

1. New tattoo.
2. Drinking. And lots of it. While outside.
3. Farmer’s Market.
4. Making coconut cupcakes with whipped icing and strawberries.
5. Pizza party.
6. Laundry, because it’s a must.
7. Buy a planter for an herb garden.
8. Spend some time on the short story I’m writing.
9. Clean, but only if I feel like it.

I may or may not do all, none, or some of these things. As long as I get to spend the majority of the time outside in the sun I don’t care… But I would really like to get a new tattoo finally.

In the Cafeteria

Does anyone else remember this guy from elementary school lunches?

This was perhaps the best part of my life as a 5th grader... Mexican Pizza. Well that and being in choir AND being a safety patrol officer; because those are like the two coolest things a kid can be in their younger years. Or more likely, the dorkiest, but I digress.

These pizzas were amazing! I can remember exactly how they tasted, but have yet to find anything like it. I know they still serve them at schools, so maybe I should just get a job as a teacher so I can scarf these down every Monday. Am I alone in my love of octagonal pizza?

Today I'll be dreaming of eating this pizza with a bag, yes a bag, of chocolate milk while I talk to my best friends about why the Yellow Ranger is so much better than the rest and how grody boys are.

Growing Up

Yesterday I turned 25…

Fucking 25! And I spent the whole day locked up in my room, alternating between crying and watching movies. Mostly though, I was just crying. Turning 25 sucked, at least it did for me. I’m better today; I dealt with most of the shit that came along with this new number yesterday.

I talked to family, a couple friends, but besides Haley I didn’t see anyone the entire day, which is sort of how I wanted it to go.

I tried to do the whole hang out with friends thing the night before, but due to poor planning and the fact that it was Easter SUNDAY the turnout was less than stellar. Even my best friend bailed. It needless to say did not help my mental state the next day.

Truth is I’ve never felt so alone in this town. Even when I first moved here 6 years ago and only knew 2 other people I still felt I had a purpose to being here. Now I don’t even have that. I hate my job. I hate this city. And I hate the stagnant state that my life has taken on.

I’m ready to move on, from this part of my life and from this town. But it looks like I’m going to be here for another year, and I’m left by myself in a town I’m sick of. I’ve already diminished a majority of my relationships in an effort to make my leaving easier by not having ties to this town, slowly cutting down contact with friends to phone calls and the occasional hang out. So I wouldn’t miss anyone or anything, so I wouldn’t be placated into just staying. Instead of being placated I’m just stuck. And all that work I did to make my eventual move easier has left me with few people I can lean on when I’m down. I did it to myself.

Yesterday I cried, but not because I was 25, or because anyone made me sad. I cried because I’ve made a mess of my life for the past 25 years. All the places I thought I’d go and all the people I thought I’d know never came to pass. Not because of bad luck or timing, but because of me. Because of the things I do to myself. The limits I set, the perceptions I have, the methods I use. It’s my fault, every last bit. And I think that’s my first realization of being a true adult.

Blank Space

Happy April Fool's Day! I'm not big on pulling pranks, my lack of ability to lie makes it rather hard for me to pull one off. Instead I think of April 1st simply as my Great-Grandma Penny's birthday. She'd be wicked old if she was still around, but I'm sure she'd still be a spit fire. A few weeks ago I found this picture up on my family's website:

I'm not sure why, but I really liked it. I plan on printing it out and framing it to put up somewhere in my new place. Along with some others I found on there...

Which got me thinking about all of the blank wall space left in my apartment, and the fact that it looks like I'm going to be stuck in this town another year. Originally I hadn't cared much about decorating because I wasn't going to be around that much longer. But with it looking like I'm here to stay another year I'd like for my surroundings to be not quite as sparse.

I like the idea of collecting art over the years; Pieces that may cost more or less, but speak to you on some level. But I don't have time for that, so I need some ideas that will work for now. I don't hang out with as many artists as I used to, so bumming pieces off of them won't work. I've found a few things I plan on buying to go along with family photos and maybe even some paint-by-numbers. Who know? I'm desperate...

When I Was 13

During my time writing this blog I’ve admitted to a multitude of secret shames. Keep in mind dear internet that I do have family and friends that read this blog, who have therefore discovered far more about me than I care to acknowledge in their presence. For instance: my fear of having a stroke, my love of Little Ashes, my subsequent obsession with Robert Pattinson, even my abhorrence of crying in public places. But none of that will compare to what I’m about to tell you…

I LOVE THE MOVIE TITANIC.

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “But Nina, Titanic won tons of awards. It’s a top grossing movie. It was beautifully done and historically as accurate as it could be. No way is that worse than loving Little Ashes.” And I’d reply that all of those responses are true, but my love of Titanic goes beyond a normal appreciation of the movie.

Titanic came out when I was in middle school. As a girl of the 90’s, 6th thru 8th grade were prime Leo loving years. And boy did I ever. I scribbled his name on composition notebooks. I fell asleep to thoughts of him every night. I even had a life size plaque of him in my room. It was sad. I knew that then, as well as I know it now.

When Titanic came out I saw it 16 times in the theaters. I’d ball like a baby at every viewing. In my defense, what else was I going to do at the age of 13? Go to parties and get drunk? Not likely. Someone’s mom had to drive us wherever we went; coming out of a party smelling like liquor would probably make for a horrible ride home. Not to mention I was the girl in the back of class in the plaid jumper. I wasn’t being invited to many parties. So I delved into Titanic with my whole being. I loved how tragically romatic it was. I hated Kate Winslet for not giving up her spot on the floating door so that Leo could have lived. I’d go to sleep at night with the radio playing so I could wake up whenever they played “My Heart Will Go On.” I was a dork. I was a loser. And Titanic was my purpose in life for a few brief months.

Eventually I got over it. I moved on. I bought the movie when it came out on VHS, but never watched it. Later on, my friend who had shared my obsession bought me the Collector’s Edition DVD. Again, I never watched it. Until this past weekend that is.

I was home alone and needed something to do. Going out was out of the question as I had acquired quite the sunburn the previous day. So I threw in Titanic, meaning only to watch the first half in hopes of stopping myself from overwhelming depression. Of course that didn’t work, and I watched the whole movie all the way through including special features. By the end, I had been watching Titanic and Titanic related material for about 6 hours, maybe more. I had instantly reverted to a 13 year old girl. I was depressed for the rest of the day, and most of the next. Movies like that just do that to me; something I’ll thrill you with in future posts.

Anyway, I’ll be watching Titanic again sometime this week. Haley said she wanted to watch it, and who am I to deny someone. A big bowl of popcorn and a box of tissues for anyone else wanting to join in. Afterwards I’ll be boxing up my Collector’s Edition to remain out of sight for a few more years. Or until the next time I’m home alone with nothing better to do. Whichever comes first.