When I Was 13

During my time writing this blog I’ve admitted to a multitude of secret shames. Keep in mind dear internet that I do have family and friends that read this blog, who have therefore discovered far more about me than I care to acknowledge in their presence. For instance: my fear of having a stroke, my love of Little Ashes, my subsequent obsession with Robert Pattinson, even my abhorrence of crying in public places. But none of that will compare to what I’m about to tell you…

I LOVE THE MOVIE TITANIC.

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “But Nina, Titanic won tons of awards. It’s a top grossing movie. It was beautifully done and historically as accurate as it could be. No way is that worse than loving Little Ashes.” And I’d reply that all of those responses are true, but my love of Titanic goes beyond a normal appreciation of the movie.

Titanic came out when I was in middle school. As a girl of the 90’s, 6th thru 8th grade were prime Leo loving years. And boy did I ever. I scribbled his name on composition notebooks. I fell asleep to thoughts of him every night. I even had a life size plaque of him in my room. It was sad. I knew that then, as well as I know it now.

When Titanic came out I saw it 16 times in the theaters. I’d ball like a baby at every viewing. In my defense, what else was I going to do at the age of 13? Go to parties and get drunk? Not likely. Someone’s mom had to drive us wherever we went; coming out of a party smelling like liquor would probably make for a horrible ride home. Not to mention I was the girl in the back of class in the plaid jumper. I wasn’t being invited to many parties. So I delved into Titanic with my whole being. I loved how tragically romatic it was. I hated Kate Winslet for not giving up her spot on the floating door so that Leo could have lived. I’d go to sleep at night with the radio playing so I could wake up whenever they played “My Heart Will Go On.” I was a dork. I was a loser. And Titanic was my purpose in life for a few brief months.

Eventually I got over it. I moved on. I bought the movie when it came out on VHS, but never watched it. Later on, my friend who had shared my obsession bought me the Collector’s Edition DVD. Again, I never watched it. Until this past weekend that is.

I was home alone and needed something to do. Going out was out of the question as I had acquired quite the sunburn the previous day. So I threw in Titanic, meaning only to watch the first half in hopes of stopping myself from overwhelming depression. Of course that didn’t work, and I watched the whole movie all the way through including special features. By the end, I had been watching Titanic and Titanic related material for about 6 hours, maybe more. I had instantly reverted to a 13 year old girl. I was depressed for the rest of the day, and most of the next. Movies like that just do that to me; something I’ll thrill you with in future posts.

Anyway, I’ll be watching Titanic again sometime this week. Haley said she wanted to watch it, and who am I to deny someone. A big bowl of popcorn and a box of tissues for anyone else wanting to join in. Afterwards I’ll be boxing up my Collector’s Edition to remain out of sight for a few more years. Or until the next time I’m home alone with nothing better to do. Whichever comes first.