When I Was 13

During my time writing this blog I’ve admitted to a multitude of secret shames. Keep in mind dear internet that I do have family and friends that read this blog, who have therefore discovered far more about me than I care to acknowledge in their presence. For instance: my fear of having a stroke, my love of Little Ashes, my subsequent obsession with Robert Pattinson, even my abhorrence of crying in public places. But none of that will compare to what I’m about to tell you…

I LOVE THE MOVIE TITANIC.

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “But Nina, Titanic won tons of awards. It’s a top grossing movie. It was beautifully done and historically as accurate as it could be. No way is that worse than loving Little Ashes.” And I’d reply that all of those responses are true, but my love of Titanic goes beyond a normal appreciation of the movie.

Titanic came out when I was in middle school. As a girl of the 90’s, 6th thru 8th grade were prime Leo loving years. And boy did I ever. I scribbled his name on composition notebooks. I fell asleep to thoughts of him every night. I even had a life size plaque of him in my room. It was sad. I knew that then, as well as I know it now.

When Titanic came out I saw it 16 times in the theaters. I’d ball like a baby at every viewing. In my defense, what else was I going to do at the age of 13? Go to parties and get drunk? Not likely. Someone’s mom had to drive us wherever we went; coming out of a party smelling like liquor would probably make for a horrible ride home. Not to mention I was the girl in the back of class in the plaid jumper. I wasn’t being invited to many parties. So I delved into Titanic with my whole being. I loved how tragically romatic it was. I hated Kate Winslet for not giving up her spot on the floating door so that Leo could have lived. I’d go to sleep at night with the radio playing so I could wake up whenever they played “My Heart Will Go On.” I was a dork. I was a loser. And Titanic was my purpose in life for a few brief months.

Eventually I got over it. I moved on. I bought the movie when it came out on VHS, but never watched it. Later on, my friend who had shared my obsession bought me the Collector’s Edition DVD. Again, I never watched it. Until this past weekend that is.

I was home alone and needed something to do. Going out was out of the question as I had acquired quite the sunburn the previous day. So I threw in Titanic, meaning only to watch the first half in hopes of stopping myself from overwhelming depression. Of course that didn’t work, and I watched the whole movie all the way through including special features. By the end, I had been watching Titanic and Titanic related material for about 6 hours, maybe more. I had instantly reverted to a 13 year old girl. I was depressed for the rest of the day, and most of the next. Movies like that just do that to me; something I’ll thrill you with in future posts.

Anyway, I’ll be watching Titanic again sometime this week. Haley said she wanted to watch it, and who am I to deny someone. A big bowl of popcorn and a box of tissues for anyone else wanting to join in. Afterwards I’ll be boxing up my Collector’s Edition to remain out of sight for a few more years. Or until the next time I’m home alone with nothing better to do. Whichever comes first.

Recent Obsessions

1. I've been obsessed with pho as of late. I'm trying to loose weight, and homemade pho is a great way to fill up without taking in too many unwanted calories; Vegetarian and lots of spinach and mushrooms. Plus it's fucking delicious!

2. Solitaire is owning my soul. I still suck at it, but I can't seem to stop myself from playing. I really need for things to pick back up at work so I can stop.

3. I keep cracking my knuckles lately. It's a gross habit, I know. But it just feels so good...
4. Straight people have gay crushes. Gay people have straight crushes. This is mine for the time being. And yes, it's all Twilight's fault.
5. I forgot how good this can feel. Let's just hope I make it past chapter 3. I have enough barely started musings sitting on my desktop already.
6. I cannot, I will not, stop listening to The Avett Brothers new album. I recommend you get it if you have not already.

That my dear friends is my life for the past few months in a nutshell. Besides fixing up those tables, which I promise to post about soon, and catching up with old friends, life has been somewhat boring; Enough so that craking knuckles is an appropriate thing to post about. Though I will say that seeing some of my old friends has made me rather nostalgic as of late. But that is a whole other post that hopefully, when I'm a little less consumed by the effects, I will tell you all about.

Traits

Some things you may or may not know about me...

1. I suck at Solitaire. Really, I fucking stink at it. I might win one out of every 15 games, but I still keep trying.
2. I love folk/alt. country music, but I rarely listen to it in front of other people because most people I hang out with don't.
3. If someone moves away, I think of the person as if they had died. I'm still not sure if this makes it easier or harder.
4. I'm overly stubborn, but I hate fighting so I'll eventually give in. But I'll still steam about you being wrong for days to come.
5. I like really salty food. If it's not salty, it has no flavor.
6. I take comfort in the repetative. I'll tap off beats in rhythm for hours before I realize what I'm doing. Toe, toe, thumb, toe...
7. I miss the desks at my highschool because I haven't been able to really crack my back since I graduated.
8. I'm terrified of growing old.
9. The world I create inside my mind is better than what I see in front of me. So I prefer to live in my head most days.
10. I hate bread.
11. I play with tape all day long at work.
12. I'm always cold. Always...
13. I'm always worried I'm going to fall down stairs. So I never look up when I'm walking down them. I think I'd loose my balance if I did.
14. I like reading every billboard I pass while driving.
15. I like corny romance movies and novels.
16. I like the smell of skunks and gasoline.
17. I grind my teeth when I'm sleeping.
18. I pluck my eybrows on the daily.
19. I love making lists and organizing.
20. When I get bored I tend to get angry.
21. I always get something stuck in my teeth after eating.
22. I hate my back.
23. Whenever I make a phone call I get really nervous.
24. When I was 12 I dreamed about being 20. Now that I'm 24, I dream about being 12.
25. I take most things for granted until they're gone.