Happy Thoughts

There are times in life when nothing seems worth it. When the air around you hangs heavy and you feel the weight of the world. Times when you look at life and wonder how you ended up so far from the place you expected to be at this age when you were 12 years old. Dull gray colors your world, no one understands, and the farther it goes the worse you feel, because now you’re bringing down everyone else around you and they are growing to hate you for it. No matter the problem, the road to recovery seems insurmountable and you can’t see the chance for redemption anytime soon.

But then there are the other days; days that overshadow the bad and unmentionable. The days where you wake up to the smell of pancakes and coffee. Vacations spent at your parent’s house watching the fog roll over the mountain tops and the sun peak into the valley. Nights going to sleep next to a warm body you love. The time you talked to the crazy lady that hangs out in front of Whole Foods and she meowed at you before you left. The unexpected road trip you took with your friends in 11^th grade that your mother still doesn’t know about. The drunken night you watched your best friend make out with an 18 year old and never let her live it down. Quiet afternoons spent lying in the sun watching clouds skim across the blue sky above. The first time you successfully attempted making macarons. Your first date. Your first kiss. Your first love. The thrill of being hired for your first writing job. Christmas with your grandparents. Your summers spent hanging out with your aunt. The cooking shows your sister used to put on while she was babysitting you. Cashing in your collection of pennies to take your family to Disney World when you were a kid. There was that time you drank too much vodka while you were driving up to Atlanta and laughed until your stomach hurt. Or maybe the day you spent walking around the streets of New York and discovered something inside of yourself you never expected.

We all suffer the days of uncertainty, but it’s the other days- the beautiful days- we remember. It’s those tiny happy moments that matter in the end, that make up our memories. There are horrible times that I’ll never be able to forget, but when I look back those are not my first thoughts. Instead I see the day I spent planting a garden patch with my grandfather, or the time my family went fishing on the pier and my mom caught a bigger fish than my dad. It’s those happy times that get me through life and make the bad days a little more bearable.